When You Can’t Forgive
Andy Anquoe, Kiowa/Creek
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?
till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but,
Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22
A guy walks into a diner to have a burger. He’s minding his own business when a BIG dude walks in the door. The big dude walks right over to the other guy and just hits him in the neck! He says “That’s karate from Korea!” The guy says nothing and continues to eat his burger. So the big dude grabs his arm, and throws him on the ground HARD! He says “that’s judo from Japan!” The other guy just gets up, walks out the door, and leaves! Not long afterwards, he walks back into the diner, HITS the big dude on the head and says, “And that’s a crowbar from Sears & Roebuck!” We feel like doing that to some people – right?
Have you ever been deeply hurt by someone? Whatever the offense was, it hurt you so deeply that you remember the date, time, place, weather that day, what you were wearing, what you ate for lunch, and son on. It doesn’t matter if it was yesterday or years ago, you just get agitated thinking about it.
Holding onto that hurt is where we go wrong. Satan just loves for us to hold onto that stuff. He loves it because hurts can keep us hostage, captive and imprisoned. Our spiritual lives actually suffer when we hold onto our hurts. They come to a standstill. That’s exactly what satan wants! A captive Christian will miss out on all the blessings, joys & glories of God. Do we really want to miss out on ALL these things?
You tell me; What good comes out of holding onto wounds, hurts and wrongs? What good comes out of it? I can tell you in one word. NOTHING! Nothing good comes out of holding onto them. Absolutely Nothing! Why? Why would Jesus ask us to do such a thing? We’re to forgive others because we have been forgiven of so much.
Though I’ve sinned a lot in my life, I’ve been forgiven of it all. When Jesus became the Lord, Master & Savior of my life, I was completely forgiven. My slate was made clean. My sin was all taken away. To this day, I am graciously forgiven on a daily basis by God through Jesus Christ. Though the totality of my sin is big, huge, & and enormous it has all been forgiven. Is that you too? If God has forgiven us all our sin, how can we not forgive others? We’re actually living hypercritical lives when we don’t forgive others when we’ve been forgiven of so much.
Honestly, we’re not the only ones who struggle with forgiveness. The Apostle Paul did too. Look at what happened in Acts 15:36-41 . Paul & Barnabas split in their missionary work because Barnabas wanted to use John Mark but Paul adamantly disagreed. When Barnabas took John Mark, Paul went the other direction. He was angry! Paul could not forgive Barnabas for the choice because he believed John Mark to be a quitter. Paul chose to separate himself form Barnabas that day. Paul and Barnabas never worked together again. Just like us, Paul struggled with forgiveness too.
How do we know forgiveness is an issue for us? We know it’s an issue for us in 3 ways.
First, the issue becomes a controlling aspect in your life. Some hurts just consume u. It’s all we think about. It’s what we focus on. It’s what we talk about. You can’t just seem to get it off your heart and mind. The issue is constantly bothering you, disturbing you and pestering you. That’s when you know forgiveness is an issue for you.
Ask yourself some questions:
∙ Does the issue agitate you every time you think of it?
∙ Is the issue constantly on your mind?
∙ Are you constantly telling others about the issue?
∙ Has it been a bit since the issue happened?
Secondly: Forgiveness is also an issue for you when you’d rather attack the person, not the problem. Most of the time, we attach issues to people. When we do so it makes it much easier to hold onto grudges, resentments, and bitterness. When we start to think about the person, that’s when we lose our temper, question motives, and tear them down. That’s what happens when we focus on the person.
But if we focus on the issue that’s when we can definitely find resolution. You can take out a majority of personal stuff y focusing on the objective. Previous hurts, pains & offenses can come into play when you’re only looking at the person. You lessen the chance of that happening by focusing on the issue.
Lastly: Forgiveness might be an issue for you when Jesus Christ is pushed to the side. Way too often we try to handle our problems on our own. It’s ours, we’re the ones in it, and we can handle it ourselves. That is most often our attitude. We leave Jesus completely out of the mix.
What would happen if we went to Jesus with our problem? We pray about it. We see what the Bible says. We seek Godly counsel from mature believers. We allow Jesus to direct us in what to do. What would happen if we did so? I bet our situation would turn out better, don’t you? In any struggle in our lives, it’s best to go to Jesus with it. He can help. He knows what to do. He can make any bad situation good. But we must go to Him with our problems.
Ironically, Paul wrote a lot about forgiveness in his Biblical writings. Though he wrote much on the issue for forgiveness, Paul knew reconciliation is not always possible. It’s the ver reason he wrote that passage in Romans 12:18. Look at what it says.
Did you see it? If possible, if it’s within your power, do all that you can, as much as you can to live in peace with everyone. Sometimes reconciliation is not possible though we do all we can to reconcile. If some relationships keep going, there may be constant fighting, bickering and quarreling. If that’s the case, separation may be the best course of action. That’s what happened in the cause of Paul and Barnabas.
Yet we like Paul and Barnabas, are to work for as much peace as possible. Some level of harmony, agreement, and settlement can always be achieved. That’s what we’re supposed to do if reconciliation is not possible.
All of us have been forgiven for a mountain of sin in our lives as Christians. If God has forgiven us from all of it why can’t we forgive others? Just like Paul, we’re going to struggle with forgiveness in our lives at times. Forgiveness my be a problem for us if:
∙ The issue becomes a controlling aspect in our lives
∙ We’d rather attack the person, not the problem
∙ Jesus Christ is pushed to the side
As much as we try, reconciliation is not always possible. Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to forgive? I know you were hurt, wounded, pained. What good is it to hold on to it? Forgive!
That’s whey we need to ask God to lead, guide, and direct us when it comes to the topic of forgiveness. Let’s do so as we go.
Andy Anquoe – Kiowa / Creek
By permission - GW - Victory Ministries of Middle TN - VMMTN.COM
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